I try to keep my blog mostly upbeat, but motherhood isn't mostly upbeat so bear with me while I vent. We have had some sickness in our home the last few weeks and I am done! First Nathan had a bad cold, then me, then Annabelle and now Callie. Ryan and Greg have had some days of sniffles but nothing compared to the rest of us. I hate sickness. I am cranky and ornery and not a fun person to be around--whether it is me who is sick or one of my kids. I apologize to anyone who has had to talk to me or be around me at these times (mostly that apology is for my Greg and the kids).
The worst is when a baby is sick. They can't tell you exactly what is wrong. They can't blow their nose. They can't tell you what sounds good and they can't decipher hunger versus a stomach ache. It is REALLY hard to help a young little one. Don't get me wrong, I try to stay as upbeat as I can. But sometimes, inside, I am screaming. Okay, it comes out sometimes also. Here is a picture from St. Patricks Day:
Callie coughed and cried and said, "Owie" all weekend long. She couldn't tell us where the owie was, and I even put a few random band-aids on her body to help her out. We have had the humidifier going, tylenol and advil have become her drink of choice, and her eating has been sparse. I finally took her to the doctor on Monday because I couldn't' take it anymore. FYI: I hate the doctor's office. I especially hate taking my kids there and them telling me that nothing can be done. I feel like I wasted my time and money after trips like those. My older kids all had ear issues so usually when I took them in they had an ear infection or strep or pneumonia. Callie on the other hand like to stick with viruses, the ones that nothing can be done about. Once she had strep and I think a long time ago she had an ear infection but that is it. This time was no different. She was coughing and whining the whole time and the doc said things looked okay, nothing looked "bad enough." He did say, "Call if things get worse." I hate that phrase. To me, waking up multiple times at night, holding a baby while I postpone going to the grocery store for a week and neglecting my other kids because I am holding said baby, is worse enough.
We grabbed some benadryl from the store (something I have never used but the doc recommended) and drove home. Along the way she fell asleep.
I sat in the car for a bit and pondered what to do. Would she take a nap if I let her sleep? Would she stay asleep if I carried her inside? After about 10 minutes I decided to bring her in...and she woke up. Oh well, both yesterday and today she took 3+ hour naps and I was able to get some things done and give some attention to my other kids. We have given her blessings, tried the benadryl (she was so drugged, it was really weird), and spent lots of time in the bath or bathroom with the hot water creating a sauna. Some day things will be better. Some day she will be healthy again. She seemed a lot happier at bed time tonight, she even protested, loudly. But I just heard her have a huge cough attack so no, tonight won't be the night.
I recently read something that really stuck out to me.
Wikipedia defines patience as “the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of delay or provocation without acting on annoyance/anger in a negative way; exhibiting forbearance when under strain, especially when faced with longer-term difficulties.”
I have been praying for more patience, praying that I can have that quality I so admire in others. And now I understand. I have to be in the midst of crazy and be calm to understand patience. This definition has helped me a little. When things have gotten a little crazy, I am sometimes able to take a second and think, "OK, I am in a crazy moment, how am I going to react?" It isn't easy, but acknowledging it helps a lot.
I could go on but her coughing isn't stopping so I will end my rant. Here's to better days!!
